Wake up, Caitlin
Ever since she started going out with Rogerson Biscoe, Caitlin seems to have fallen into a semiconscious dreamland where nothing is quite real. Rogerson is different from anyone Caitlin has ever known. He’s magnetic. He’s compelling. He’s dangerous. Being with him makes Caitlin forget about everything else–her missing sister, her withdrawn mother, her lackluster life. But what happens when being with Rogerson becomes a larger problem than being without him?
Much like Keeping the Moon, I read this book a long time ago and never re-read it. For me it wasn’t a book that stuck with me like Dessen’s others did. But this is a #SarahDessenMarathon, so of course, I must re-read it!
For starters, I think the cover of the book is creepy looking. There’s no one doing handstands on a beach or pretty flowers or anything girly – and if your copy is lucky, you can actually see the person’s face, which kinda reminds me of that old “kids'” show, Are You Afraid of the Dark? It gave me the heeby-jeebies, much like this cover.
For the life of me, I couldn’t remember this book at all. The characters sounded familiar from the last time I read it (years and years ago), but I could not remember anything about the plot. It wasn’t until we actually met the character, Rogerson Biscoe, that something didn’t seem right. Again, I couldn’t place the feeling, but my gut was telling me that this was not going to be a happy-go-lucky story; it is a story of a dark path that no one should ever have to go down.
Again, Rogerson Biscoe, the things nightmares are made of. He’s definitely entered my dreamland since re-read the book. He seems innocent enough in the beginning, but my question is why is a fifth year high school senior wanting to date some sixteen year old girl? Can’t you go get a real girlfriend your own age? This was the first red flag. The second red flag came when he would drive by Caitlin’s house late at night in a creepy, overprotective way – kinda like Edward Cullen from Twilight but without secretly watching her sleep. There was something off about him. Overprotective? Yes. Changed Caitlin into someone she didn’t recognize? Yes. Psycho jealous? Yes. And as I continued reading, my worst fear came true for Caitlin; Rogerson is psycho and mean and dark and abusive – I want nothing more for him to be run over by a bus multiple times. If a man can lay a had on you like that and then turn around and say he loves you, he doesn’t really love you, because if he did, he would have never laid a hand on you in the first place.
Yes, Rogerson made Cailtin different. She was finally able to step outside her big sister’s shadow and become her own person, but it wasn’t truly Caitlin, it was the Caitlin Rogerson had created. Caitlin became the person who would lie to her friends and family, skip cheer practice, skip classes, do drugs, and be so scared to upset Rogerson that she feared her “punishments” from him. He reduced her to a person her and her friends and family didn’t recognize.
I feel lucky to have a boyfriend that is opposite of Rogerson. We’re silly and playful and serious. He is protective of me and cares for my well-being, but knows I am my own person and am capable of handling situations on my own. If I need help I’ll ask for it, he doesn’t force it. We can sit in the same room for hours and not say a word because we’re so absorbed in our own things like a book or movie. We go as long as a month without seeing each other, and pick up right where we left off like I wasn’t in another state the entire time. He accepts and loves me for who I am. I can be myself when I’m with him, and I love the fact that he loves to make me smile.
I wish Caitlin could have had a relationship like mine instead. I wish people like Rogerson didn’t exist in this world, but he’s a scary reality people face sometimes and they just have to know that they shouldn’t be scared to seek help. They also need to know, it’s okay to be yourself. You shouldn’t change to make a boy or anyone else happy – only the opinion of yourself matters in this world. So go out and find a significant other that loves you because of who you are, and don’t settle for anything less than you deserve.
I will hopefully be posting about Sarah Dessen’s This Lullaby tomorrow, but it’s a crazy week! My next book that I will be starting on Saturday after my sister’s graduation party is Courting Mrs. McCarthy by the wonderful Ian Thomas Malone! I can’t wait to start reading it! And then I will get back on track with my #SarahDessenMarathon! Happy reading lovelies!